Are you in a new relationship and looking to go away together soon? Well, before you book that plane ticket, you may want to weigh the pros and cons of doing so.
Traveling as a couple can be "romantic and adventurous, which can spark feelings of romantic connection," relationship expert Nicole Moore told Newsweek.
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She said: "Travel does have a way of bringing people closer, as shared experiences are one of the ways people bond quickly. So the benefit of traveling early on in the relationship is that if you are a match, you'll probably realize that quicker."
Kaylee, 28, and Jake Reid, 37, a couple in the Canadian province of Ontario, agree with this notion. On April 16, under the handle @theglobewanderers, the couple posted a video on TikTok that said, "Take a trip when you first start dating," adding, "Travel is a good test of compatibility."
Kaylee Reid is an intensive care unit nurse, and her husband works in real estate. The couple also has a social media business specializing in creating travel-related content.
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In the video—which has received more than 796,000 views and 31,000 likes—Kaylee Reid is seen with her husband on a February Air Canada flight to Italy. She told Newsweek that traveling together in the early stages of their relationship was "a valuable tool to get to know each other and our quirks faster."
She added: "Traveling together can always create bickering and arguments because you spend so much time together in such close quarters. But we felt that when we first started dating, traveling together made us learn more about each other sooner."
A December 2019 study of couples in the U.S., published in the Journal of Travel Research, found that couples who "engaged in higher levels of shared experiences during their vacations, such as effective communication, showing affection, or experiencing new things together, reported higher levels of couple flexibility and cohesion following their vacations."
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While traveling as a couple has benefits, doing so in a new relationship can be risky.
Mark Verber, a relationship expert and licensed professional counselor, told Newsweek: "If you look at dating as a test drive, then going on a trip together is like hitting the highway. Travel is an accelerant. It involves more focused and extended time together, and as a result can both expedite a relationship's progress or hasten its demise."
Wait at Least a Month, and the Length of the Trip Matters
Experts say new couples should wait at least a month before going away together.
Dating coach Jeanne Sullivan Billeci told Newsweek that taking a trip is an important milestone, so you'll want to be sure you've spent enough time together and that "your significant other has demonstrated that they are emotionally and physically safe."
Nina Batista, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in relationships and trauma, told Newsweek that a trip together can be great at the six-week or two-month mark of the relationship, which is when you would have gotten to know them a bit more and would have been on various dates.
Moore agreed, saying that generally "one should wait at least a month or a couple of months" before traveling as a new couple, "unless it's a shorter trip, like a day trip or a one-night trip."
Sullivan Billeci advised waiting at least three months, adding that the trip should be a short one, such as a weekend getaway. Nash Wright, a dating and relationship coach, agreed, telling Newsweek: "Most couples don't need a trip in the first three months. The relationship is new enough, they can likely have a great time by dating in their local area. Then, as the relationship settles in, the trip can add some spice to their time together."
Kaylee Reid, who's been with her husband for almost seven years and married for almost two, said their first trip happened about three months into their relationship. It was a six-night trip to San Francisco and Napa Valley.
"Our first international trip was a month after that, and it was for three weeks in eastern Australia. We both bonded over our love of travel when we first met, so we knew we wanted to travel together, and when the opportunity arose, we took it," she said.
Verber said that as a rule of thumb, he recommended having dated a month for every night away together. This means that "if you've been dating for a couple months, then a weekend is fine. But if you are looking to travel for a week, I would wait until closer to six months."
Wright said the length of the trip matters. "A quick overnight is relatively easy to do, but a longer trip is more complicated in terms of planning the trip, and also for the couple's relationship," he said. Seeing trips as just "very long dates," Wright advises couples against going on such extended dates until they've been together for a while.
Traveling Lets You See Your Partner Outside Their Comfort Zone
Verber said that "the beauty and challenge of travel is that it takes people out of their comfort zone" because a trip involves planning, deadlines and disruptions, "all without the usual reliability and reassurance that comes with being at home."
Batista explained that travel allows a person to see their partner "out of their 'controlled' environment or day-to-day living." You can observe several aspects, including what type of traveler they are, whether they pack too much or too little and whether they need to plan every event or can "go with the flow," she said.
Sullivan Billeci also said that "spending more uninterrupted time increases the chances that they won't always be on their best behavior," so it allows you to see other sides to their personality.
It's a good opportunity to understand important aspects you need to know about them as a potential partner. This can include things like "how willing they are to compromise on activities, how considerate they are of your needs, whether they are kind or rude to strangers," Sullivan Billeci said, and those aspects can ultimately help gauge whether you're compatible enough to continue the relationship.
... and Shows Shared Investment in the Relationship
Taking a trip together "demonstrates a certain interest level in each other and a shared investment in the relationship," Verber said. Trips together require the type of collaboration and accommodation that will be tested and ultimately required in a long-term relationship.
But above all, it gives partners a chance to create meaningful and memorable experiences that can "become stepping stones to a long-term future together," he said.
... or Can Kill the Relationship Before It Has Time to Bloom
The stress and unique circ*mstances of travel can drive a wedge during a still precarious state in the relationship, Verber said. "The risk is that something promising is squelched before it had the time to blossom," he added.
Some couples may not be comfortable disagreeing or setting limits with each other yet, and "traveling isn't the best time to try to figure it out on the fly," he warned.
Moore said many people "put up a false façade in the beginning stages of dating and show you their best qualities while hiding the unsuitable ones," and traveling can "often reveal someone's more unflattering qualities quickly."
... or Make It Move Quicker Than You're Ready For
A trip together may put a lot of pressure on both people, who may have different expectations and comfort levels, "dialing up the anxiety and chance for arguments," Sullivan Billeci said.
Many feel traveling together is also a sign that the relationship is moving in a more serious direction. So if you don't want to commit yet, you'll want to be aware that "traveling may indicate to the person that you're ready to commit," Moore said.
Some may also have an expectation with travel that "if you're sleeping in the same room, sex will automatically happen," Moore added, "so that's something to consider, especially if you're not ready for sex yet."
No Room for an Escape
In the early days of a relationship, you won't know a person that well yet. So "you really don't know yet if they have dangerous or off-putting personality traits that could make you feel unsafe or ruin the trip," Moore said.
Being on a trip with someone "you realize you can't stand is horrible." So traveling sooner rather than waiting is "a risk you just don't want to take unless you are already sure this person might be a true match," she continued.
Sullivan Billeci agreed, saying, "You don't want to be stranded if you discover your partner has a temper issue, is irresponsible or inconsiderate and you want to leave. If your first trip is successful, I recommend a longer one at six months where you discuss any boundaries and needs that came up after the first trip, and make sure you're both comfortable."
Do you have a travel or relationship-related dilemma to share? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
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